Your Path to Self-Discovery!
Things I learned from my dog...
With 7 dogs in my home, of course fights tend to break out. A few months back, a particularly bad fight broke out between my pitbull and my minpin. As much as minpin's like to believe it, they are not invincible - and my little minpin has the scars to prove it.
So here I rush to the Animal ER at 2AM once again - I keep that place in business! When all was said and done, my poor little minpin, Katey, had 15 stitches in her, had gone through 2 surgeries and had 3 drainage tubes coming out of her sides. It was a sad sad sight.
Now, before anyone starts to say "bad pitbull", let me just say that this pitbull is a saint. This poor dog puts up with the minpin snapping at her day in and day out. The pitbull's name is Abbey. The minpin (Katey) has repeatedly bitten off pieces of the Pitbull's ears to the point where she has bled. The minpin has bitten her and drawn blood from the side of her face and at one point her front paw. So, the pitbull, Abbey, just reached a point where enough was enough. Dogs cannot fight their nature - as laid back as Abbey is, and as high strung as Katey is, eventually an argument will start. Since dogs do not use words, most arguments end with teeth.
This fight was partially my fault - I let Abbey out to play and when she came in Katey was in one of her moods and started picking at her right from the door. She tried to drink water, got nipped at. Tried to lay down, got nipped at, tried to go up the stairs and got nipped at. Being that I have been ill, this was not a particularly good day for me either - so when they came in, instead of putting them in separate rooms, I put them al in my bedroom to let the 2 males out when I hear the fight break out. I rushed in, grabbed Abbey by the collar until she dropped Katey and scooped up Katey into the bathroom. Fight stopped - but the damage was done. Needless to say that if Abbey really wanted to - she could have bitten Katey in 2 - as Katey is not even 12 lbs and Abbey is 60 lbs of solid pitbull muscle - with teeth to match. I think the whole altercation was more of a "leave me alone, will ya?" - but when a pitbull does that - no matter how non-violent but forcefull she tries to be - a 12 lb dog will end up on the losing end.
So back to my story. I bring Katey home, in that sad sad state with plenty of pain killers. I bunch up some blankets in my bed, I bring her favorite chew bone and put it next to her - she is not interested. I place her on the bed right next to me and she lays down, looking exhausted and in pain. I myself was not well, so I lay down next to her and in seeing her sad sad state, I start to cry. I felt bad for her, I wanted to make her pain go away and also felt guilty that I had let this happen.
As I cried, she looked up at me, and with all the effort she could muster, and regardless of her pain and inuries, she scooted on her belly over to me and put her paw on my arm. Her little black eyes looking at me as if to say "its ok - Its going to be ok". It was then, at this moment that I understood what it really means to be there for someone - like we say all the time that we are there for our friends. After living 39 years in this world, it took a battered little minpin to teach me this lesson.
Being there for someone is not about you - its about them. It didn't matter to Katey her condition - even though her condition was worse than mine at the time - what mattered to her is that I was crying and I needed support. Its easy to be there for people when its convenient for us - or even when we agree with the actions of our friends. It makes us feel good that we were "there" for someone whol we believe made the right choice but just got shafted. Its easy to be angry right along with them, to give them support and help them through the situation. We can then pat ourselves on the back that we did a good deed - that we helped someone and did a selfless act, when in fact, it was not selfless at all - it was just a validation of our own ego and how great we think we are.
Being there for someone who made a terrible decision that goes against everything we stand for, is hard. No matter how good the friend is, we tend to shy away from those situations because we put ourselves first. Or even being there for someone when we are in the middle of a personal crisis of our own is also hard. Try being there for someone who did something that we believe is wrong, who maybe even got someone else hurt, while we are in the middle of a personal crisis. Not an easy task.
Being there for someone - being a good friend - is not about judgement or understanding. We really don't have to understand why someone did something, or agree with what they did to offer them moral support. Being there for someone is about saying to them, "you are not alone, I am here for you and you can cry on my shoulder no matter what" and really mean it. If your friend hurt someone you cared about on purpose would you be able to "be there" for them? Most of us would say no - I think most of us would draw the line at some point. I know I would have a hard time "being there" for a friend who hurt any animals - specially any of my animals on purpose. So how far does that line go before we draw on our personal space and put ourselves first? I guess that is a question for all of us to contemplate.
I had a friend recently who was shafted by her someone at her work last year - my previous work - this person who did this was someone I do not particularly care for - as a matter of fact someone who took great pleasure from making my life miserable at work. It was easy to take her side, and I felt like a true friend when was able to sit there side by side with her saying what a horrible person my ex-boss was and how unfair this whole situation was. A few months later she had a similar altercation with my ex-boss - who is someone who I greatly admired and always considered a wonderful friend. I had a hard "being there" for her because it was hard for me personally not to side with my ex-boss - so I just avoided the situation altogether. This was before Katey's lesson of course, and I look back now and see what a bad friend I was. It was not my place to judge who was right or wrong in that situation - she came to me for support and to vent - and as a true friend, I should have listened, given her the shoulder to cry on - without judgement. I think back to katey now - and that night - she probably put herself in great pain to scoot over to me to put her comforting paw on my arm. I cannot help but feel ashamed when I think about not being there for my friend simply because I disagreed with her - of course at no physical harm to myself - it was simply a moral judgement. My actions seem petty and mean when I compare it to what Katey did that night.
I learn lessons from my dogs almost every day - but it is not often that I get to learn something that seems so simple to me, but at the same time is one of the most difficult things to do. I am trying to live that lesson I learned from Katey - and although it may sound easy and make sense, it is a hard lesson to live - I guess that's what it makes the lesson worth learning =)
So here I rush to the Animal ER at 2AM once again - I keep that place in business! When all was said and done, my poor little minpin, Katey, had 15 stitches in her, had gone through 2 surgeries and had 3 drainage tubes coming out of her sides. It was a sad sad sight.
Now, before anyone starts to say "bad pitbull", let me just say that this pitbull is a saint. This poor dog puts up with the minpin snapping at her day in and day out. The pitbull's name is Abbey. The minpin (Katey) has repeatedly bitten off pieces of the Pitbull's ears to the point where she has bled. The minpin has bitten her and drawn blood from the side of her face and at one point her front paw. So, the pitbull, Abbey, just reached a point where enough was enough. Dogs cannot fight their nature - as laid back as Abbey is, and as high strung as Katey is, eventually an argument will start. Since dogs do not use words, most arguments end with teeth.
This fight was partially my fault - I let Abbey out to play and when she came in Katey was in one of her moods and started picking at her right from the door. She tried to drink water, got nipped at. Tried to lay down, got nipped at, tried to go up the stairs and got nipped at. Being that I have been ill, this was not a particularly good day for me either - so when they came in, instead of putting them in separate rooms, I put them al in my bedroom to let the 2 males out when I hear the fight break out. I rushed in, grabbed Abbey by the collar until she dropped Katey and scooped up Katey into the bathroom. Fight stopped - but the damage was done. Needless to say that if Abbey really wanted to - she could have bitten Katey in 2 - as Katey is not even 12 lbs and Abbey is 60 lbs of solid pitbull muscle - with teeth to match. I think the whole altercation was more of a "leave me alone, will ya?" - but when a pitbull does that - no matter how non-violent but forcefull she tries to be - a 12 lb dog will end up on the losing end.
So back to my story. I bring Katey home, in that sad sad state with plenty of pain killers. I bunch up some blankets in my bed, I bring her favorite chew bone and put it next to her - she is not interested. I place her on the bed right next to me and she lays down, looking exhausted and in pain. I myself was not well, so I lay down next to her and in seeing her sad sad state, I start to cry. I felt bad for her, I wanted to make her pain go away and also felt guilty that I had let this happen.
As I cried, she looked up at me, and with all the effort she could muster, and regardless of her pain and inuries, she scooted on her belly over to me and put her paw on my arm. Her little black eyes looking at me as if to say "its ok - Its going to be ok". It was then, at this moment that I understood what it really means to be there for someone - like we say all the time that we are there for our friends. After living 39 years in this world, it took a battered little minpin to teach me this lesson.
Being there for someone is not about you - its about them. It didn't matter to Katey her condition - even though her condition was worse than mine at the time - what mattered to her is that I was crying and I needed support. Its easy to be there for people when its convenient for us - or even when we agree with the actions of our friends. It makes us feel good that we were "there" for someone whol we believe made the right choice but just got shafted. Its easy to be angry right along with them, to give them support and help them through the situation. We can then pat ourselves on the back that we did a good deed - that we helped someone and did a selfless act, when in fact, it was not selfless at all - it was just a validation of our own ego and how great we think we are.
Being there for someone who made a terrible decision that goes against everything we stand for, is hard. No matter how good the friend is, we tend to shy away from those situations because we put ourselves first. Or even being there for someone when we are in the middle of a personal crisis of our own is also hard. Try being there for someone who did something that we believe is wrong, who maybe even got someone else hurt, while we are in the middle of a personal crisis. Not an easy task.
Being there for someone - being a good friend - is not about judgement or understanding. We really don't have to understand why someone did something, or agree with what they did to offer them moral support. Being there for someone is about saying to them, "you are not alone, I am here for you and you can cry on my shoulder no matter what" and really mean it. If your friend hurt someone you cared about on purpose would you be able to "be there" for them? Most of us would say no - I think most of us would draw the line at some point. I know I would have a hard time "being there" for a friend who hurt any animals - specially any of my animals on purpose. So how far does that line go before we draw on our personal space and put ourselves first? I guess that is a question for all of us to contemplate.
I had a friend recently who was shafted by her someone at her work last year - my previous work - this person who did this was someone I do not particularly care for - as a matter of fact someone who took great pleasure from making my life miserable at work. It was easy to take her side, and I felt like a true friend when was able to sit there side by side with her saying what a horrible person my ex-boss was and how unfair this whole situation was. A few months later she had a similar altercation with my ex-boss - who is someone who I greatly admired and always considered a wonderful friend. I had a hard "being there" for her because it was hard for me personally not to side with my ex-boss - so I just avoided the situation altogether. This was before Katey's lesson of course, and I look back now and see what a bad friend I was. It was not my place to judge who was right or wrong in that situation - she came to me for support and to vent - and as a true friend, I should have listened, given her the shoulder to cry on - without judgement. I think back to katey now - and that night - she probably put herself in great pain to scoot over to me to put her comforting paw on my arm. I cannot help but feel ashamed when I think about not being there for my friend simply because I disagreed with her - of course at no physical harm to myself - it was simply a moral judgement. My actions seem petty and mean when I compare it to what Katey did that night.
I learn lessons from my dogs almost every day - but it is not often that I get to learn something that seems so simple to me, but at the same time is one of the most difficult things to do. I am trying to live that lesson I learned from Katey - and although it may sound easy and make sense, it is a hard lesson to live - I guess that's what it makes the lesson worth learning =)
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